“He’ll be coming and going” he had said. “One day you’ll see him and another you won’t. He doesn’t like being tied down–and of course he has other countries to attend to. It’s quite all right. He’ll often drop in. Only you mustn’t press him. He’s wild, you know. Not like a tame lion.” -The Lion, the Witch, and the Wardrobe.
Grace goes places we don’t necessarily want it go, and it does things we don’t want it to do. Isn’t that the definition of untamed? If grace is getting what we do not deserve, then it follows that sometimes God will give to others what they don’t deserve either. That’s when we see the untamed nature of grace, and when it chafes my heart it is an indicator, a symptom, that my secretly selfish heart is not fully saturated in grace.
Does wild grace ever chafe my heart? Yes. There is no honor in admitting it and yet no honor either in denying what is simply true. Sometimes it happens when I do not receive an expected blessing. Or when God chooses to reach down and bless someone who has hurt me, someone I feel justified in not loving.
Others might feel the chafe of wild grace if a murderer comes to Christ or a rapist repents and asks forgiveness. We don’t always want God’s grace to go that deep, do we? Yet, we have no say in the matter because we have no grace ourselves to give except that which we ourselves have received. And maybe that is the problem after all.
Maybe wild grace chafes me when I haven’t fully finished drinking the whole grateful cup of grace myself. I may have sipped, but I have by no means fully satiated my soul thirst. There is a reason that Christ said of the sinful woman, “Her many sins have been forgiven–for she loved much. But he who has been forgiven little loves little. ” (Luke 7:47)
Her thirst for grace was directly proportional to the dry, searing drought of sin in her soul. She loved Christ so much because she had so many sins weighing her down with an impossible burden of guilt. The freedom was overwhelming and she drank it down giddy. Have I?
My prayer today is that God would give me such a powerful thirst for grace that I would delight to pour out that which overflows my own cup. I may have previously only sipped and thus only offered drops to others but I pray for greater, deeper understanding, that I could be a conduit of a river of grace instead of merely a trickle.