It was weird.
By the final day, as I reviewed my manuscript, I fought against this inner thought, They don’t surely want to hear from me again.
It’s taken me awhile to process the strangeness. I think it’s this:
For six years now of staying home with kids and squeezing into the Mommy role, I’ve been the invisible woman. That took some adjusting, but six years later, it’s pretty comfortable. If the introverted/extroverted sides of me are like Dr. Jekell and Mr. Hyde, Introvert has been in dominance for quite a while. Now it’s weird and a little uncomfortable to become visible for a few days. I don’t like to write bio descriptions. Who is this lady? Um, no one actually. Just some stay at home mom from Buffalo. Where? Exactly.
So I drive back home with shiny red fingernails that I had done for only the third time ever. I put away my maternity dresses for Sundays only again. I put my lips on Isaac’s impossibly smooth baby skin cheeks and hold him for 30 minutes straight while he watches Curious George. I willingly play Candyland with Abby, even though I have compared it to purgatory. Ben and I talk in his bed until I think I’m going to fall asleep there. I get up the next morning relieved to be wearing just a ponytail, minimal make-up.
I open my email to receive a message from a woman at the conference. She tells me not to hesitate to take another speaking opportunity.
In the words of Scarlet O Hara, I can’t think about that right now. If I do, I’ll go crazy. I’ll think about that tomorrow.
Today I am Mommy again. It feels good.